Recent college graduate and full-time worker bee for TLAondemand.com, slathering the delicious sticky-sweet honey that is gay porn all over my (figurative) hind legs and then flinging myself headlong into the world-wide-web, where I uh, pollinate. Or, I think I fling myself into the web first, and then there’s this spider, right? And he represents “The Economy”, and he says to me “Hey, bee, I’d like a masturbatory aid, please” and I say --- or wait, maybe it’d make more sense if we looked at the internet as a series of tubes, and I’m driving a truck through it, and that truck is marked “Beeswax” except it’s really a travelling sex party and Michael Brandon is fucking like eight guys back there, and I stop at one of those rest areas, see, and Larry Craig is there, wearing nothing but a pair of white tap shoes and a smile, and—

This metaphor isn’t coming out quite the way I’d hoped.